All parents tell their children little white lies from time to time. ‘Of course Father Christmas comes down the chimney!’ ‘Eat your spinach — you’ll get as strong as Popeye.’ ‘No, I didn’t put that pound under your pillow. It was the Tooth Fairy,’ ... and so on. It’s all part of the magic of childhood.
However, there’s one fib that’s bigger than all the others. It’s ‘I don’t have a favourite child.’
In his fascinating new book, The Sibling Effect: What Bonds Among Brothers and Sisters Reveal About Us, Jeffrey Kluger, a father of two daughters, aged eight and ten, claims that ‘95 percent of parents in the world have a favourite child — and the other 5 percent are lying.’
Kluger may be exaggerating the figures for dramatic effect — but despite every parent’s vehement denial that they have a favourite child — scientific research shows that he is not far off the truth。
According to one recent study by researchers from the University of California — which followed 384 sibling pairs and their parents for three years — 65 percent of the mothers and 70 percent of fathers exhibited a preference for one child. As this was among families that knew they were being monitored, there’s a strong possibility the true figures could be significantly higher.
Favouritism is certainly a controversial topic. When raised as a subject for discussion on parenting websites, it always elicits a stream of outrage and angry denials.
But interestingly, a lot of personal anecdotes appear from parents who say they were overshadowed by a favoured sibling, or were, indeed, their mother or father’s favourite. It seems everyone knows favouritism exists — but nobody wants to put their hand up and say they’re guilty of it themselves.
Other research, where siblings have been asked to say who their mother and father favour, suggests that mothers do tend to a show a preference for their first-born son, but fathers often dote on their youngest daughters.
Parents will often be drawn to the child who is easiest to get along with — or the child that shares similar traits to them. For example, mum will have a special bond with her sensitive, arty son, while dad lavishes attention on his sporty daughter.
Professor Scott says being least favoured in a family can colour our behaviour as adults. ‘Children who feel they are less loved within their family are more likely to develop low self-esteem, anxiety and depression.’
But some experts believe being less favoured can have positive consequences. Professor Scott agrees that favoured children can sometimes find life difficult when they have to rub along in the real world.
所有的父母都会时不时地告诉孩子一些善意的小谎言。“圣诞老人当然是从烟囱里下来了！”“把你的菠菜吃了——你会像大力水手一样强壮的。”“不，我没有把那一英镑放在你的枕头下。是牙仙干的。”诸如此类。这都是童年神奇色彩的一部分。
然而，有一个谎言比所有其他谎言都要大。这就是“我没有对哪个小孩偏心”。
在他引人入胜的新书《同胞效应：兄弟姐妹纽带大揭秘》中，杰弗里?克鲁格称，“世界上95%的父母都有偏爱的孩子——而其他5%是在说谎。”克鲁格有两个女儿，分别是8岁和10岁。
克鲁格可能是为了戏剧化效果夸大了数字，不过尽管每个父母都强烈否认自己有特别偏爱的小孩，但科学研究显示，克鲁格所说的离真相并不远。
根据加利福尼亚大学研究人员的一项新研究，65%的母亲们和70%的父亲们都表现出对某个小孩的偏心。该研究在三年间跟踪调查了384名有兄弟姐妹的孩子和他们的父母。因为这些家庭知道他们正受到监视，所以极有可能真实的比例还要大得多。
偏心确实是一个备受争议的话题。当育儿网站将偏心作为讨论的话题时，总会有许多愤慨的父母生气地表示否认。
不过，有趣的是，许多父母在讲述自己的个人经历时会提到自己曾因为兄弟或姐妹更受父母宠爱而受冷落。似乎每个人都知道偏心的存在，但没有人愿意举手承认自己也偏心。
其他研究让有兄弟姐妹的孩子们说出父母更宠爱谁，结果显示，母亲一般更宠爱她们的大儿子，而父亲则往往更宠爱他们的小女儿。
父母们通常会更愿意接近那些相处起来最轻松的小孩，或是和自己有相近特质的小孩。例如，母亲也许和她那个敏感、喜欢附庸风雅的儿子特别亲近，而父亲则会十分关注自己爱好运动的女儿。
斯科特教授说，在家里被冷落会影响我们成年后的行为。“那些感觉自己在家中没人疼的小孩更可能出现自卑、焦虑和抑郁情绪。”
不过一些专家认为，不受宠也会带来积极的影响。斯科特教授承认，当受宠的孩子不得不在现实世界中勉强度日时，有时会感到人生很艰难。
